It’s that time of year: NCAA March Madness! Syracuse has not made it this far in the tournament since 2013 and the world is exploding. The Syracuse Orange play the Gonzaga Bulldogs on Friday March 25th at 9:40 PM eastern time in Chicago, Illinois in the 2016 Sweet Sixteen. And if you’re anything like me, after you read that sentence you sang “sweet sixteen” in your head and shed a single tear for mid 2000s Hillary Duff. In honor of our ~chance to shine~ in this year’s Sweet 16, here are all the teams left as told by classic MTV television shows:
The Kansas Jayhawks and The University of North Carolina Tarheels AKA
The Real World
Because they didn’t come here to make friends, they came here to win.
Kansas and UNC are the two big favorites for the tournament this year and they aren’t playing around. Unless you consider actually playing the game of basketball as “playing around.”
The Maryland Terrapins AKA
They may look good and have made it thus far but Maryland plays Kansas this week and we all know that there’s only one way this can end. The swimsuit model turns out to be a morbidly obese middle aged man, so to speak. In other words, goodbye Maryland.
The Maryland Terrapins take on the Kansas Jayhawks on March 24th at 9:40 pm eastern time. The Jayhawks are favored by 7 points.
The Indiana Hoosiers AKA
The Hoosiers are a resilient team. Outlasting multiple injuries and the loss of key players, they have managed to stay in the tournament much longer than anyone expected. The same rings true with True Life. True Life has been on the air since 1998. How many things can happen??? How is this still a show???
The Indiana Hoosiers take on the UNC Tarheels on March 25th at 9:57 pm eastern time. The Tarheels are favored by 6.5 points.
The Miami Hurricanes AKA
The Canes are a very senior-heavy team; like a fine wine or George Clooney, their team has gotten better with age. The same can be said for The Hills, which only grew better and better with each season. Don’t even get me started on the Heidi and LC reconciliation in Season 5, am I right ladies??!?!
Unfortunately, this may be no saving grace when they play Villanova at 7:10pm eastern time on Thursday.
The Villanova Wildcats AKA
Pimp My Ride
Nova has acquired new players such as Jalen Brunson and Josh Hart and relative to past years, they are pimpin’. The Wildcats take on the Hurricanes on March 24th at 7:10 pm eastern and are favored by 4.5 points.
The Oregon Ducks AKA
Oregon is in the number-one seed but nobody trusts them as much as they trust Kansas or UNC. This is mainly because they are a less experienced team (much like the show which is proof of the lesser value of the new MTV). Awkward.
The Duke Blue Devils AKA
Duke’s only strength is the seven players that they use in rotation. Much like how Yo Momma’s only strength was Wilmer Valderrama being adorable amidst mediocre at best roasting. I mean come on who doesn’t love Fez from That ‘70s Show also known as the voice of Manny on Handy Manny????
The Blue Devils take on the Oregon Ducks on March 24th at 9:40 pm eastern time. Oregon is favored by 2.5 points.
The Texas A&M Aggies AKA
Wild n’ Out
Much like Nick Cannon in 2013 the Aggies made one of the greatest comebacks in tournament history in their game versus Northern Iowa. WILD?!?!?!?
The Oklahoma Sooners AKA
According to ESPN, “Oklahoma’s supporting cast has been solid all season, but Buddy Hield is the reason the Sooners are in the Sweet 16.” I didn’t really know which show to say for this but the support cast of Degrassi was solid every season because the entire cast was the supporting cast. Ugh Degrassi was a great show…but like how many generations have there been???
The Oklahoma Sooners take on Texas A&M on March 24th at 7:37 pm eastern time. The Sooners are favored by 2.5 points.
The Notre Dame Fighting Irish AKA
Notre Dame made it to the Sweet 16 against all odds, defeating Thomas Walkup and S.F. Austin…kinda like how any of the people featured on Made defeat the odds and win their school talent show or finally make it onto the cheerleading squad. (I cannot roll my eyes hard enough).
The Wisconsin Badgers AKA
I think we can all agree that Next was a show that made everyone uncomfortable while watching it, so why did we still watch it?? The only way you can win on the show is by being less weird than the rest of the people trapped on the bus. That’s basically the same situation with Wisconsin. Wisconsin has been less bad than all the teams they’ve played so far.
The Wisconsin Badgers take on the Fighting Irish Friday March 25th at 7:27 pm. Notre Dame is favored by 1.5 points.
The University of Virginia Cavaliers AKA
UVA is good. Damn good. They have a very good offense. According to ESPN, the Cavaliers “tend to frustrate their opponents over the course of 40 minutes,” much like Parental Control because everything about that show is SO ANNOYING. THEY CUT TO COMMERCIAL BREAK LIKE EVERY 6 MINUTES AND THEN FEEL THE NEED TO REFRESH YOU ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED PRIOR TO THE COMMERCIAL BREAK AND THAT ALONE TAKES A SOLID TWO MINUTES!!
The Iowa State Cyclones AKA
A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila
Iowa St. kinda got lucky based on who they played against, kinda like how Tila Tequila kinda got lucky that someone decided to make her famous for being bisexual. But hey, it was a simpler time.
The Iowa St. Cyclones take on the UVA Cavaliers on March 25th at 7:10 pm. UVA is favored by 4.5 points
The Gonzaga Bulldogs AKA
Domantes Sabonis carried Gonzaga to the Sweet 16. WHO’S HOUSE???? Domantes’s house. I can only hope that Domantes also has a wildly successful rap/hip-hop career…preferably in a group called “Sabon-Thugs N’ Harmony.”
AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO
The Syracuse Orange AKA
Is this real life? I don’t know how how we made it this far but I’m so happy. God bless Ashton Kutcher and Jim Boeheim (Bae-heim). Do us proud, boys!
The Bulldogs Play the Orange on Friday at 9:40 eastern time. The Bulldogs are favored by 4.5 points.
So there you go. The Sweet 16 kicks off Thursday night with Miami and Villanova! Be sure to check it out, and maybe afterwards you can re-watch some of your favorite MTV shows. Or not. It’s up to you.